I don’t know if I was more shocked than sad when I heard the news about Ms. Elizabeth Gilbert’s split with the love of her life, Felipe – whose character has navigated through an ocean of women from different class and ages and unconsciously planted hope on dry land.
People always say it’s not about happy endings and ever afters. It is about amazing journeys and breathtaking detours. And truly it sounds inspirational. However, we still have to acknowledge the reality we go through with every goodbye. It doesn’t bring you to your fresh start and brand new day right away. You can’t simply snap out of the first few days when you roll over the bed and find a hollow space beside you. The face that you got so used to waking up each morning, his breathing, his heart beat, his scent, his warmth. You have to endure those breaking moments when the world you have been accustomed to live in started to shake and you watch those wonderful days crumble in pieces. No matter how amicable goodbye is, the sight of a falling debris coming from a structure you called “home”, will always be heartbreaking.
We can’t simply ignore the far-reaching process of grieving, mourning and nursing our brokeness. And I don’t know about you guys, but I take almost all endings seriously. Yes it generates relief because after all, why else do we need goodbye if everything was well? So at some point we either longed or needed that era to end for the better. I’m just not a fan of farewells. I have let people go from the past so easily because they have hurt me so bad that I lost the appetite to mourn. And it was easier that way. The bad days has outnumbered the good. The pain has outweighed our affection for each other. The fear has dominated faith. These are easy endings. But there are also endings that you never expected coming or endings that you have anticipated but is not ready for. Endings that you wish you never have to go through. Endings that you wished would never come but did.
Before I met my fiance, I had two major heartbreaks. Although it seemed nothing serious and never lasted a year for both, it still lacerated me to pieces. And it took time and effort for me to heal. I had to move to Dubai to find my sanity back. I felt better in normal days but sometimes it felt like I was drowning and gasping for air and the resource of that air – has left me in dismal suffocation. In December 2014, I planned to go to Singapore to find Farren. I was nearly booking a ticket that cost half of my savings. But I managed to compose myself with the help of some friends who told me about the consequences of impulse traveling: There’s a good chance I will find him but there is also a good chance I won’t. And I will be spending New Year’s Eve at Marinay Bay -alone under the fireworks in the middle of an overjoyed crowd who doesn’t give a shit about my misery. Up to this day, I thank God for guarding my emotions and making me use my brains to keep my savings for something more rewarding. I bought a visa and a ticket to Dubai instead. Exactly. A Re-route. The idea of moving to a different country never came until early February. The months I spent moping around the corner felt years. I went out with friends and made myself normal but the creative things that used to amuse me became insufficient to provide me enough entertainment. I had to do something big and drastic. Dubai gave me that opportunity to make myself busy and focus on being independent. I became busy with the complexity of being on my own. And although it was a fancy revel and a universal banter between thirty single girl friends to find a decent bachelor in a foreign city, I never really thought nor I intend to find love in Dubai. I just want life to be normal again. And eventually it did.
I had my life sorted out a bit somehow and in a matter of months, I found a friend- who is now my fiance. He was an embodiment of everything charming and adorable. To find out later on that he is also filled with kindness, generosity and love is just a bonus. My best friend, my lover, my partner and my home. I couldn’t be more happy to find someone who finally loves me back. People like Gilbert to name a few has given me that inspiration to believe that somewhere, somehow, forever exist. In the midst of tangled love affairs and stockpile of divorce papers, I begin to aspire to belong to the other side of statistics. It gave me faith that somehow, there are relationships who can survive not just decades but a lifetime. So hearing this news and the many beautiful relationships I know that still ended in an amicable split breaks me. Sometimes I forget that this relationship heroes we have in our list which includes my dad, are only humans. They, like all of us are just trying, striving, hoping to make things work. It makes me realize one universal truth that I should keep in mind from now on- no matter how sad it may sound: We should always be grateful for the experience and we should always cherish every moment of it. Because most often than not, no matter how much we strive for a lifetime of togetherness, time may ask for goodbye and we won’t have much of a choice but to respond accordingly with gladness that somehow it allowed us to enjoy a slice of forever.
To my love, my fiance, my better half, my future husband and future father of my kids. I love you. I don’t know if we can make it to that growing-old-with-you chapter of our lives where both of us will be toothless and gray, but I want you to know that I am so blessed to be given a chance to make it this far and to try farther….
Photo Credit: Happy Times Ahead