I Never Said That

When I wrote How to be Single yesterday, I never said I want to be Single.

I said I still sometimes want to revert back to it, which means I long to reminisce those times when I felt invincible juggling soirees and venturing on different creative strategies to exterminate my loneliness.

I said I crave for it which means like strawberry sundae on a sweltering Monday afternoon, I will eventually grow bored of it after licking the last fake syrup on the plastic cup and I will expectantly cave in, back to having someone’s arms wrapped around me – because that’s the life I have always wanted. Something solid. Something real.

And I don’t know how else to illustrate in details how concrete my love is when I get attached with someone. It may not look like I am giving my all but I am – to the best of my abilities.

Ironically, I have written yesterday’s post to console people like Rachel. People whose possibility of a lifetime partner has not been presented yet.

But I am not Rachel. I have someone – [or I think I do].

I am not up for ticking some bucket list to kill my boredom so I can be productive in my spare time. I am in a relationship and I never once decided to quit because you are my bucket list. You are my dream board. You – along with the goals we created are what I have always wanted.

There’s a very thin line that cuts deep between being single and being in a relationship. It’s called introspection. And I never intend to stay here.

I never said I want to give up. I never said time is up.

I never said I want it over. I never said we are done.

I never said because I am better in working it out than breaking it up.

I love you – so much that it hurts.

I love you – this is intentional. But hurting you isn’t.

I love you. That, I said.

Photo Credit: pinterest
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