September 27: Unfinished
How many times have I sat there at the conference table across the General Manager fueled by supreme emotions and clever ideas? How many times have I punctuated myself in the middle of an overlapping conversation cutting everyone off so they can hear me out loud and clear? How many times the board room was silenced because I started to speak my mind? Many. Many times – during those period when I still have high self-regard. When I was still too engaged, too involved with the project. Sure they bombard me with multiple oppositions but that was suitably fine. It meant they were listening. It meant I had a voice. It meant I stirred up awareness.
Today after being held quarantined for so long – that they have removed me from my position in fear that I might be contaminated as the others who they have fired on consecutive occasions [It’s like a town plaza execution. One manager after another.], I was invited again to attend the board room meeting.
I can’t forced myself anymore to have the same enthusiasm as I used to have about this so-called “project” that they have been pressing to launch since the beginning of my term. Finally, according to the management, the launch will materialize after the long wait since we now have a… drum roll please… system. What!? Which to a regular non-managerial employee, in fact even an intern would fundamentally think that the first most basic and essential component to consider in building a business as ambitious as this is a cutting edge technology that will implement all transactions for operations. How would you call a service VIP if you have to manually encode information on a spreadsheet? CRM 101. What felt like fifty years in the making, after firing incompetent individuals monthly, they have come to realize that it was not entirely the staff that screws up the organization but the organization itself is screwing up individuals. I am not some business plan expert, but based on observation, people around here just because they can (connections), and because they have so much (riches), just recklessly opens a business without any structure, without market research and market knowledge, product and service training, company analysis, industry analysis, management and operation plan, what about the software and the system that customer service and the sales force need to perform their daily tasks? Do we have approvals from the proper authorities? These are but the things that should’ve been addressed from the beginning. And sometimes, it’s not about incompetency. It’s about lack of proper training.
And because I slept only for an hour or so last night – which felt like fifteen minute naps with intervals [If you have been reading my blog you would know how sleep means to me. It meant Everything.]- I wasn’t really practically not in the mood for any serious introductory groundwork. I used to be very hard working since I started. I stay late in the office to finish some errands. I go extra mile to a point of doing other people’s grind. I never mind a pile of paper works to finish. But not anymore.
Bottom line is, when people get unappreciated and demoralized, [career or relationship wise] they just stop caring.
Whether they will have a successful launch this year or move it on the next few years, it doesn’t matter anymore.
Disclaimer: I owe everything I have right now with this company. I respect everyone from staff to management. Everyone is putting their best efforts now. But this strangely feels like falling out of love and thinking of divorcing my company if I only have enough funds to do so and well… if I get at least a respectable rebound.
[I know. I sound so ungrateful today. I shouldn’t be.]