November 7 Prompt: Irksome
So I eventually got over my displeasure (if you call it that) with Sam’s bluntness over my writing and his negative perception approximately on all things spilled carelessly on a daily basis. I just got so drained last week with too much disapproval, counter questions and alarming stories. I mean can you -if not for me, at least for the love of our future kids or for the sake of the upcoming Christmas holiday – agree with me just for once? Because every time I say something he will come up with a dozen of things to oppose it. Can we sometimes talk about how blessed we are despite of? Can we focus on how much we have progressed with our dreams and our relationship that we are now in a better place from last year?
I know he can be too realistic and I can be too fairy-tale like which causes us to collide. Can we at least meet in the middle? That’s the question we always impose due to our differences.
I’m not saying he’s too negative. I’m saying he has the tendency to be one -considering his practical approach in life. He can be very supportive and hopeful if he wants to. But sometimes, he refuses to just have faith on… I don’t know… to humanity? the universe? life? people? He’s unable to completely believe in…miracles? magic? GOD?
Amazing things can happen. Things can be better. – And I’m not even talking about my writing here. Just LIFE in general. I need someone who has faith in beautiful things and I need someone who speaks the language. I need a doze of positivity each day. We can extract that from each other. Can’t we? Aren’t we supposed to be infectious – in a good way? Believe each other. Inspire each other? Okay I’m becoming liturgical again.
So we’re back to normal. Sam and I. We went grocery Sunday night even if I was so bummed with the idea because I had less sleep and just wanted to stay in bed. He came Saturday morning around 5:00 am because of company anniversary (I really hope so. Trust issues? Eh?) and he had to be there to help with the stock arrangements. Since we moved in together, I developed this unwanted dependency on him that I am unable to sleep well when he isn’t around. Unless I be the one out – then I can sleep well. Like when I went to Philippines for vacation (although I don’t think attending a funeral is a vacation) I was able to sleep like a baby. I close my eyes and I’m gone. Five minutes tops. Perhaps because of exhaustion. But when I’m the one left home waiting, I’m always half-awake. I don’t drift to sleep. I force it.
So come Sunday, I was hoping to just relax and run some episodes of Permanent Roommate but Sam started craving for dates like a pregnant woman. It’s a sticky sweet fruit from a palm tree which is very nutritious and wildly popular here in Middle East. In case I haven’t mentioned, Sam is battling with Psoriasis and we are both very particular with his diet. Although I believe everything is still regulated, he still has a lot of serious red spots all over his body and every once in a while he suffers with terrible itching. This is why as much as I have lost the appetite to talk to him lately because of my issues that was left pending, I just chose to just man up and take responsibility over my own grievances. The -Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff motto is always parked at the back of my head. It’s a motto me and my girls have concocted to maintain a harmonious relationship with our very complicated men.
Anyway, I’m pretty much sure Sam has an idea why I had been having tantrums for days. It’s not like men are always clueless. They just initially fake expressions of disbelief, getting perplexed and rattled on why all of a sudden a red flag has been raised. They all skip to the what-did-I-do-wrong-this-time-part and drive straight to the damage control, leaving the truth box somewhere at the corner of their brains unattended to avoid confrontations. I tried to be appreciative with his efforts because he was being extra thoughtful and responsive – which means he knows why and I acknowledge his willingness to sort things out. He offered to take me to a salon for haircut but I refused. I wanted to be alone. I miss those single me-time days when I can just make unplanned appointments for myself. But he knows I’m a softy, I can’t mark him down for good intentions. The following day he took me to a nearby shop and pressured me to buy shoes. Like if he can be on his knees just for me to grab any shoe from the rack, he would. Maybe out of guilt or just misses his sweet fun-loving wife because she had been nothing but stoic and it’s been killing him. Yesterday he did laundry and cooked meal -which I really like. Sam does things without being asked and it’s one of his key strengths that I am proud of. He always has the initiative to do things unlike the other men around who has to be dragged out of their own busy world to contribute in the household. He helps me big time in every way he can. And I’m grateful of that.
If only he can be grateful of me – the same way.
I think we all have to be intentional in our relationship. Have a conscious effort to be sensitive of our partner’s feelings and needs. Make thoughtful choices everyday on what can make a morning better, what can make an afternoon fun, what can make a night intimate. Approach the relationship with generosity and joy without having to think of the returns. The only reward we should be asking for is the happiness of the other. And sometimes we miss the simplest form of a good intention. Respect. What may be acceptable to you may not be acceptable with the other. Your idea of fun or awesome or beautiful may not be the same as theirs. Respect each other’s individual preferences. Always compromise. Ask and respond accordingly. Don’t ask if you’re not willing to compromise with the answer. Choose your words. Choose your battles. Choose wisely.
Just because the relationship has thrived and stormed the worse weather, we can all be complacent. We need to take care of it the same way it was taken care of when it was brand new and blossoming.