A Breath of Fresh Air, Here & There

I’ve been MIA for almost a week now & even until now as I write this post, the tiny monsters inside me keep lambasting me to drop my writing weapon and just immerse myself to their dark, depressing and almost funereal soiree. Enjoy the show [I can hear them whisper].  They play the scenarios I created in my head of the complicated present and of the more frightening future. Short parodies that are purposely entertaining – not to me of course but to whatever feeds on my melancholy and fears. I sometimes feel like being strapped in the front seat of a proscenium theater with a duct tape plastered on my mouth and I am forced to watch the gloomy world as it spins before and around me.  Christmas is on its way and everyone should be excited but for some reason, the gloom runs around in circles toying with us – fragile kids.

I know things have not being going my way lately. I ended up dishing it out indirectly to Sam and in return I become a recipient of his own frustrations. Lashing out and behaving like a seven year old. Mostly him. He talks a lot. More than me. And when he’s mad he talks Big Words. Arrrgh.

We sorted things out slowly – or so I thought. Perhaps, still trying.  [Thank God for His infinite mercy and patience on both of us.] We still manage to straighten out the small folds and regular wrinkles. Sometimes when I’m not in my elements, I tend to backtrack all the bad records of Sam, of what he had said, of what he had done. It’s a woman thing. We don’t forget. It just pisses me off more when I do that. But I am learning to move pass what hurt me and just focus on reconnecting. We both should – learn the tricks and the rules. I  hope we learn from past mistakes and never try to do it again. Avoid hurting each other specially in difficult times. Or better yet, avoid hurting each other at all.  In crucial times like this, you need to be a team. I don’t think you can fight the outside battles together if you’re still trying to work out your inner wars.

The good thing about dismal days like these [whether relationship, personal or corporate warfare]  is that it doesn’t really prevent us from outsourcing happiness. Sometimes, if we can hardly find anything inside [not because there’s a lack of it but simply because we find it hard to root from it at the moment.] we can at least find little joys else where.

And to extract small joys from other places is just one of the most fascinating things that you can experience.  Unexpectedly. Almost unknowingly. In a flick of a finger. A blink of an eye. In between glances. In between yawns and sneezes. In between hope and despair. It reconnects you to your inner happy. In one blow of a kiss. No tricks. No lies. No deception. Just pure magic at its finest. It doesn’t give you eternity or magnitude or intensity. No forevers and ever afters. No perfect days and brand new mornings. It actually doesn’t promise you anything. But it will reward you of something warm and pleasant. Even so little. Even so subtle. Even so fleeting. It’s a special gift, good enough to put in your pocket and take home to delight with and tuck you to sleep.

So my dear magical people, whatever it is you are dealing with at the moment, if you ever feel like you are trapped in a wistful, hurtful and disappointing puppetry of life’s irony and it’s unending madness and hyperbole, don’t be weary. Take your coat. Slowly. Don’t rush. Take your time. Feel this moment of gloom. It can feel warm as wool. Take a walk under the cool sharp winter’s eve and look around. Collect pieces of joy on your way. Possibilities are playful and hopeful and welcoming and childlike. They are so easy to recognize up close because they are friendly and smiling and comfortable to be with. All you have to do is get up from bed, from moping, from conversing with the most inappropriate and mischievous creatures in your head. You don’t have to bring them along with you all the time. Make space for new friends and new stories because they will sure come if you meet them half way. They might not compensate the big dreams that you’ve hoped for or lost completely, but they can walk with you and light up your path in your darkest times. And who knows, these little sparks of wonders might just lead you to something more promising…

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Found this on my way last night… It’s enough delight for me this week.

I hope you find yours and share it with everyone. One day at a time.

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7 thoughts on “A Breath of Fresh Air, Here & There

    1. In deed true. And I’d like to think that your kind words are bits of heaven – heaven crumbs that fills my heart every time. Thank you Hester 😇 #smallheavens #smallmagic

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Your writing is the type to makes me fidget, grin ear to ear, and get a bubbly feeling in my soul, because each word is perfectly placed and far too good. I hope to be as excellent as you one day. You inspire me!

    I really connected with the way you explained the conflicts of a man and woman (or any couple, really). It’s true, I struggle with my boyfriend and find myself “backtrack[ing]” his “bad records” and get more upset. At first with him and then myself. Part of developing a healthy and happy relationship is learning to move on and forgive (much harder than simply forgetting). I love the comment about “outside battles.”

    Okay, I connected with the entire post; thank you for reminding me to cherish the gloom as much as the sunlight! Without those dreary days, we couldn’t have truly happy ones! I’m going to share your post on FaceBook, because everyone needs some cheering on. 🙂 ❤ Thank you for being the one to cheer us on, and now we're cheering for you! ❤

    By the way, the pinecone picture is adorable.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. Thank you MJ for sending me good vibes this early morning! 🙂 I’m melting like cheesecake here. Lols. ^_^ & Thanks for sharing the post btw. Hugs from the other side of the world! #sharethemagic #sharehappiness

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have been married for 36 years and it is still a struggle to not replay the he said this, he did this scenario. I have learned to button my lip while I struggle with that. If I don’t I usually say things I will regret the minute they are out of my mouth. I think you hit it right….it is a woman thing.
    Your picture of the pine cone with the tag grace is beautiful! I so want to be that sparkly pine cone with the label “grace”.
    Enjoy your life together, laugh like crazy over the silly funny things and always remind yourself (especially when you are pissed) why you love him.
    Most often when you don’t get something you dreamed of….God replaces that dream with something way better.
    May you be blessed!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Emphasis on 36 years. Amazing! I really hope Chicken Grandma – that Sam & I get that far and be happier than we are right now.

      “Most often when you don’t get something you dreamed of….God replaces that dream with something way better.” —– Amen to that. ^_^

      & I’m so glad everybody’s liking the pine cone ^_^

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My folks have been married 60+ years and when asked my mom tells me it still takes grace 🙂 and God. My husband always tells me if I would just agree with him on everything we would never argue….I respond, that if he was always right I would agree. It is our standing joke on compromise.

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