The Lack of Sunbeams

November 22 & 23 Prompt: Elicit , Anticipation

So my previous post have elicited some good response from my blogger friends. Doesn’t matter if I can count them with my fingers. One is already a major number for me. That’s how grateful I am for the souls I unexpectedly touched. I always tell Sam, that it’s not a matter of numbers [all the time]. A like for a like is very much well appreciated but a like -simply because they genuinely do [and not because they were asking for a like in return]- weighs a ton for me. And don’t get me started with heartfelt messages. Since I don’t have close friends around here [even if I almost spent 2 years in this foreign land], I am always enthusiastic about meeting new friends – even say, virtually.

“I don’t want my resturant to be a place where people sit and eat. I want people to sit at that table and be sick with longing. ” – Adam Jones

[Except that I don’t want people to be sick. Period. I think you got my point. Err.]

Thanks to the miracle pinecone for the cure [to my gloom.] Grace wins again, as always. But today is not as magical as I wanted it to be. So here comes a portion of the pandora’s box…opened.

First of all, I haven’t received my monthly salary [YET – and this word is beginning to sound remarkably assuming]. Almost two months actually -by now, since December is fast approaching. I have also discovered some enormous hard to digest facts about the company a few weeks ago. A billion Dirhams lost and compounding.

“Just do your job. Don’t give the company favors because it’s not human. It won’t hug you back.” – From our very own MD

I was promised a car – which means I was also promised a free driving course until I get a driving license. I was promised a promotion and increments. I was promised big connections and perhaps an opportunity to travel. I was promised to be part of a huge empire. A handful of hypeboles coverted to a series of demotivating understatements. Embroidered words from a very cheap material. I am not in the position to blame anyone. It’s just a saddening truth. And I have to move on now.

I have already distributed my resume in all corners of Dubai. Gazillion copies of my wit and charm and expertise are now circulating the emirates. I just hope to find at least one amazing human who can scoop me from this maddening flimsy slippery footing and place me into a desk filled with creativity, productivity, happiness and abundance.

Second of all, Winnipeg has not emailed yet regarding my application status. No need to elaborate on that. This case of studying abroad and moving in to Canada is closing.

Third of all, I have been trying to sell my property [a one bedroom condo with the magnificent view of an ocean blue triplet pool by the window.] -since last year and I have not gotten a single positive response about it. Insurance fees and taxes to be settled at the end of this year -aside.

Fourth, I am turning thirty four next year – which is a good thing. But I don’t have time for this. Sam and I have big dreams. Had. And then have. and then had. and then have again. I don’t want to say we’re rushing but I think we are. We are because during our single years, we had no concrete plan of the future. We were immeasurably slow in mapping and planning out our lives. Turtle pace to be exact. Those days when I haven’t met him and him not having met me. And now it felt like we need to catch up with TIME.  We need to TRAVEL.  We need to start – [a FAMILY].  We need to get out of our day jobs and START A BUSINESS. We can’t autopilot anymore. We need to get our ass MOVING. And we need to get SOMEWHERE SAFE and SOLID. Financial Freedom. But being STABLE has been so BIG, we always catch our breath or come up for air as if we’re always drowning. Drowning just by looking at the shore. We badly need a scuba diving suit to make it. That or find a way to grow gills.

So to say I am on the verge of panic is an understatement. And to say that everything around my little universe is okay is also an understatement. People I know are losing jobs around here. That or getting underpaid. While in some part of the cosmo, other universes are celebrating. – mine is well…. trying to swallow a defiant sob just to feel better each day.

I need positive equations and positive results. I need a generous amount of sun beams and layers of rainbows. I need golden bridges and sprinkles of enchanted beans. I need wide gates and open doors. I need prayers and an avalanche of miracles. Yes I need all these in my basket.

But first, I need to take a full meal…[and perhaps coffee.]

I apologize if my post is a little bit scattered today. I guess I don’t lack sunbeams really. I am simply starving and dehydrated.

Have a good night everyone. Wishing you all a plenty of sunbeams by tomorrow…


Photo by: Infinite-Paradox


11 thoughts on “The Lack of Sunbeams

  1. Keep writing…you are on to something. I want to read more to get to the answers to each mystery you start. You are taking readers (like me) to real places and emotions. Thanks for sharing. If you hadn’t followed me, I wouldn’t have stumbled across your writing. Best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Grateful to hear that Raszyfibers. Actually I discovered your blog through Ra’s page. I like the way you tell stories and incorporate your knitting on your posts. Your blog feels warm & cozy. ✩


  2. My dad always told us as kids, “The sun is always shining… just can’t always see it.” I think your sunbeams are there….they are just hidden for now.
    I am praying those sunbeams become radiantly visible. I am also praying the doors and gates are flung wide open and you will clearly see where you are to go and what you are to do.
    In the meantime, take a breath or two or three, have a cup of coffee and just be. Know that I am praying for you!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Your dad is right Chicken Grandma. I know the sun is out there. & Amen to every beautiful thing you said..

      I believe that miracles begin to unfold in each & every prayer. So thank you, thank you to all of you. ✩

      Liked by 1 person

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