So I’m like this girl who’s obsessed with a guy she dated. I’m moping around the corner of my room for days waiting for my phone to ring. But today, I just couldn’t contain the waiting any longer. So I grabbed the phone and dialed the number of the company who interviewed me almost three days ago and I asked about the status of my application. The secretary -to my dismay, said I have to wait for an email or a phone call because the managers are not in the office. And it’s holiday tomorrow. Long weekend. I supposed I have to wait another week for results. Or just get over it.
I feel so bummed right now. It literally feels like being part of the entire dating ritual all over again, where you don’t exactly know where you stand. Obviously, based on experience, three days is already too long for interview results. It meant it was over but because you’re too in love with the idea and no verbal rejection has been made, you’re still hopeful.
Pretty pathetic. I know. I should move on. Right? I was hooked.
Last Sunday during the interview I thought I connected with these three gentlemen. I thought we all had a chemistry. I thought they finally found what they have been looking for. I thought we really had a great conversation right there in the conference room. I thought I was THE ONE. I don’t normally like panel interviews but it went really well – at least in my perspective. I wasn’t mumbling or stuttering. I was very composed and I thought I was brimming with enthusiasm and confidence and wit. I thought for a moment I charmed them. But here I am, wondering what I have done wrong. Blaming myself for being overconfident. Too cocky. To absorbed. Did I talk too much? Was it my eyeglasses? Was it intimidating? Did it turn them off? Is it because I told them the truth about my current company? But I really wanted some stability! Wait. Was it my clothes? They didn’t like my clothes. I should’ve worn heels. The girl interviewed before me was wearing stilettos and her hair was pulled back professionally. I was wearing flats and I looked so nerdy.
Fudge. I think it’s the handshake. I’ve been telling Sam this. I think I got so excited and ecstatic, I sort of jumped up too happily after the interview and offered a handshake. What the fudge I was thinking? Like I’m running for senate or something? Why did I shake hands with my interviewers?
That was so wrong. And stupid. And just weird. But on the other hand, isn’t it a common gesture? A professional way of saying you respect and appreciate the invitation and the opportunity given? I mean there’s no harm in handshakes. Is there?
Anyway, there’s no reason to dissect this frog and analyze what went wrong. They did not call back. Period. Game Over.
So after the interview I had to find my way back to the metro which literally to Jen’s Universe, it’s like a huge mother of all labyrinth. I walked in circles for thirty minutes trying to find my way. But I didn’t mind because I was too… smitten with the company. I have a great future there, I thought. I mean I was Alice in Wonderland hopping and singing with joy. And because I was so lost in trance, I didn’t realize I was going further away from the metro…
Obviously, I suck in directions. I had the map in hand. Okay? To make the matters worst, the office was sort of in the middle of a huge construction site because it’s a big construction firm. In short, there were no public vehicle nearby and I had to walk – mostly on a very uncomfortable sand. A few roads were paved but mostly it’s just a rough road all together.
One of the reasons why I’ve been pining over this company is because they’re the only ones I have encountered so far that is 1. Decent 2.Grand and 3.Well-established. It’s hard to find a company around here that you can trust. Majority of employers here I know are just gamblers with no definite direction. No offense. But this company, this company is different. I really think I discovered quiet a big fish and I want to keep it in my pail.
So after thirty minutes of traversing the powdery area of the site looking for the highway, I realized I was heading in the wrong direction. Turns out, the metro was at the other side of the world. I had to walk about thirty more minutes to reach the station.
I saw three people behind me. Two girls who were pretty much absorb catching up from what seemed to be years of friendship. And one guy walking ahead of them. I asked the guy.
“Is this the way to the metro?” I asked. My feet was beginning to feel the strain of the long walk and I promised myself I will not take a cab. This is the only contribution I can give to Sam- financially, since he’s trying the best he can to provide for both of us. Not to mention pay both our bills back home (Philippines and India).
“Yeah. It’s right there.” The stranger pointed. “I’m heading there as well.”
“Oh okay. I just want to make sure cause I’ve been walking and I got lost and I can’t see any signs of the metro.” I confessed.
Dubai metros resemble a turtle shell. They all have the same architecture. And from where we were treading, I couldn’t see any artificial hunchback or glass shell.
“Don’t worry. Just keep walking. You’ll find it. It’s right there.” He pointed.
I still couldn’t see it but I kept walking with him.
“By the way I’m Daniel. I’m from Norway.” He said.
Daniel told me about his vacation here in Dubai with his wife. He told me about his work in Singapore. He told me that he was really amazed he found a church in Dubai considering it’s a Muslim country. And then he told me about Jesus.
“So that’s how he changed me.” Daniel finished his story. “I’m sorry if I’m creeping you out with all this.” He apologized.
“No. It’s cool.” I mumbled. I mean he sounded like one of those preachers on street or in bus stops, except that… well it’s Dubai and you would rarely find preachers around here. I don’t even think it’s allowed.
“Do you believe in Jesus?” He asked.
“Yes.” I nodded.
“Really? How?” He looked fascinated.
“I grew up learning his miracles.” I said.
“That’s amazing. Really. It’s amazing to hear someone say that.” He looked astounded. What’s so amazing about that?
When we reached the metro- finally after what seemed like a marathon. He said. “It was nice meeting you Jen. Don’t worry. I’ll be praying for you.”
“Oh thanks. I badly need that. I just had an interview which is why I wound up here.”
“Don’t worry. You’re about to experience a financial breakthrough.” He smiled and we parted ways.
When I stepped inside the metro and it started moving, I was a little bit in a weird trance. I felt as if some light had pass through the glass walls of the train and Joan Osborne began singing her hit single “One of Us” in the background.
It sorted of reminded me of Joan of Arcadia and her conversations with God personified as a very cute teenage boy, sometimes he appears as a small kid or an inked guy or a grandma with a pretty hair clip.
My mother told me that we know it is God speaking through people through discernment. It’s a gift. We feel it. We know it. We trust it. Of course we also need to distinguish the bad from the good. Because sometimes the bad can portray as good. In fact, there was an episode in this series where Joan thought it was God talking to her but she realized it wasn’t when it felt so wrong. In fact, at the end of the series she was tested big time. She was told that she has been sick for a very long time, that’s why she was hallucinating. God never really spoke to her. The six year old kid God. The cute teenage guy God. The grandmother God. The punk God. These personification of God. His appearances through different people, they were never real. Just fragments of her very ill imagination.
At the end of the day though, does it really matter which medium God chooses to speak to us? Metaphorically or literally? Personally or virtually? Verbally or through written words?
I think what matters most is the message. Because the message is real. His words are. It always springs from something kind and hopeful and warm. Our souls understand it. It always does. If we keep still, if we keep really really still, we would easily recognize God’s voice. Gentle. Compassionate. Peaceful.
I was glad to meet Daniel that day. Really. It’s very humbling and uplifting to find someone who doesn’t shy away from his faith. He didn’t actually discuss anything about religion – which is good. We shouldn’t be divided by tradition and culture and background, he said. Generally he just talked about how God moved him. How he was able to recover from his addictions. How he was able to enjoy his life now. How he was able to testify and share God to other people.
Honestly, it doesn’t seem so surprising to me to find myself listening to someone speak Jesus language. I lived a life surrounded by people whose lives are touched by God in every minute and every hour. I just realized by now how I have been so anxious of how my life was going. I have forgotten to live by faith that everything is going to be alright. That He got this. He got me. He got Us.
“Love is big. It’s a bright light in the universe, and a bright light casts a big shadow.” -God (Joan of Arcadia)
Maybe I was staring at the shadow, instead of looking back at the light behind me.
Maybe that’s why he sent Daniel to speak to me that day.
Or maybe, because I was heading the wrong direction…
Have a Happy Glorious Weekend everyone… ✩