Maybe I have not been very honest with myself for the past few months. Maybe I couldn’t handle the reality just yet. Maybe I was trying to find resolve so it wouldn’t hurt that much when I put them in words. Maybe I’m just not that good in confrontation. And letting go…
Before and after New Year’s Eve, I struggled to break up with Sam. It was a hardcore decision and I don’t know even until now if I can still fight my way through. We are doing all possible efforts to make it and not give in. But it was getting tougher each day.
The past three days were a great accomplishment for both of us. Having been very attentive of each other’s feelings, giving allowances to each other’s weaknesses and taking turns in comforting each other.
There has been a very genuine calm lately and I am grateful. Sure it still feels stormy from the outside. But it has been cozy and warm inside each other’s arms for the past days. And that is all I ask for now.
I can see new doors opening for both of us and it smells like fresh air from the other side. I know that God is good and He will provide us the best things this year. I just really hope we (Sam and I) get there together. Same doors. Same roads. Same open field.
I wouldn’t want to feel the warm sun along with the cold breeze on my face by myself. It still wonderful to welcome the morning after with you Sam.
I don’t think I will be able to enjoy this new and amazing view alone.