Well, big and small random stuff happened lately. I don’t even know where to start. All I know is that all of a sudden the idea of Sam taking photography in a serious (I’m changing my entire career and start fresh) kind of way- has been our target this March. He had been very depressed with his job and I guess me – landing in this new firm has pressed his issues more to the very core. I wanted to be consoling- sure. But I also have issues on me making all the efforts and shouldering the outcome of whatever future awaits us. I know he’s doing the best he can but I wanted him to try harder. Is that so bad?
He seemed very delighted with this brand new idea of venturing on creative freelance so I let him. Although I believe in great possibilities (well I also believe in rainbows and unicorn shit), I still think this will just help him vent out if not unplug his creative force (which is good)- BUT I highly doubt this new mind blowing idea – will make us rich.
Although I have to admit this was my idea.
Originally, I really wanted him to take driving lessons to get a license. As far as I know, 80% of sales executives get better opportunities and huge compensation just by acquiring a license. Employers require them to drive around UAE. Bottom line is he doesn’t want to. Good. So how can we afford a dream house, traveling around the world and all that- let’s not even get started with kids, let’s just plan on getting a cat. How?? If I’m here starting off my career by being an executive secretary – expected to make coffee to guests and solve all office problems with a salary that doesn’t even allow me to get a credit card or a cheque book, then I hope he can explain to me how we can sort it all out getting somewhere near that WONDERFUL FUTURE we’ve been drooling about.
I am sounding ungrateful again, I know. I hope it gets better on the coming days. Things are still clear as blue skies and as fresh as Spring. Sam and I are by far in good standing now that we were able to have a few savings in our account. I can’t be all complaining.
I just hope… he gets more motivated to do something SOLID. I just hope he just leaves whatever baggage he carries right now, forget about all the backward thoughts and negative self talk. Just move along and take BIG STEPS.
My very famous photographer friend Dee said, that in order to capture a phenomenal shot, you need to see beyond human eye and surprise people. Make them see the ordinary in a most absurd, breathtaking, wondrous way. Make them say, “Is that the same building I’ve been looking at by my window for ten years? It looks… spectacular! Wow them. Make them stare. Make them jealous. Unleash their desires. Make them taste beauty to its finest.
I need to encourage Sam more I guess. Shut my nagging complaining mouth up. He needs to see himself in a different angle and maybe then he can surprise people in the most astounding way. He has huge self-doubt and that bothers me a lot. He hasn’t been exposed to either corporate or creative world. I really don’t know where he’s been before me. But it looked like he’d been…out somewhere.
Sam can do this. I need to have faith in him so he can have faith in himself. He just needs to want it badly for all his magic to come together.
Old couples said that we’re always half empty and whatever is lacking from our partners, we need to fill in. We must die a little for love. I can’t promise anything. But I will give my best shot.