I have this Love-Hate Relationship with this blog site (just like my relationship with Sam. We fight. We make up. And then again.) So I’ve been recently trying to make up my mind whether to shut this site completely and replace it with a new one or just keep it as it is while I build the other. I’ve been wanting to post real photos that Sam and I have taken but because I felt like I have revealed so much stuff in this blog, I felt like I’m somehow jeopardizing Sam’s image, exposing him on public.
In my defense I always try as much as I can to put a disclaimer (it’s in my About page and some other blogs I posted.) that none of the things I say means to harm my fiance. I just blurt out my current emotions on what has been happening to our relationship or what I have been feeling. He’s a good man. I wouldn’t have chosen him if he isn’t. He’s a stand up a guy. A one of a kind. Compassionate, Kind and most importantly… Gorgeous. We just have some differences. And I think it’s inevitable in every relationship.
And by the way, based on my last post, we have somewhat managed to talk and addressed the issues accordingly. Thank God. I couldn’t handle anymore stressful days with him. He had been very cooperative and generous – giving me some time to think. Best of all, he started listening.
I like putting all my thoughts in this blog. It gives a medium to plug and stream my thoughts. I’m just not so comfortable in exposing my life completely. I still feel embarrass to give my life away freely. I know that some of my friends and family knew about this blog. But it still feels so much liberating to know that I have crowd control. That anyone who winds up in this site, couldn’t care less of who I am, where I came from, what I look like. People just come by to browse, read, reject, keep or whatever they pleases without further judgement since I am technically anonymous.
I am more comfortable writing as if nobody knew. No faces. No hints. No further realities revealed other than the thoughts I have written.
It gives me more freedom to put myself out in the open, throw the emotions out with so little filter knowing I am somewhat invisible.
Write whatever because who cares?
But a part of me wants to start fresh with something more real and tangible. So I guess this is me saying… I might be closing down for a while so I can open something new.
I wouldn’t say I’d bury this one forever. It will be around in case you want to hang around and read the old post. I would like to keep it for old time sake. I love the things I’ve written here. They were pretty special to me. And I’d most probably post some once in a while. I’ve established friendships here and I couldn’t be more grateful to have this amazing circle.
But this is a little bit of a goodbye for now. And hopefully, I’ll meet you halfway… somewhere… ♡