BETTER

Perhaps you’re struggling with something or simply feeling lost like I do… I’m sharing these few songs that kept my storms calm. Breathe in. And breathe it all out. Look Up. Cheer Up. Better days are coming…

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When Happy People Leaves

When Happy People Leaves – it makes you sad.

I feel so bummed today that Olive has to leave.

She’s our CFO and for some personal reason, she decided to quit the job after three amazing months here at work. She’s the kind of CFO who doesn’t make you feel like she’s CFO but still manages to protect her boundaries and maintain the respect necessary for her position. She was humble and soft-spoken and funny and genuine. She brightens up the room. Well – I think most people in the company does. We try as much as we can to maintain that vibe. It’s like an office policy to be happy. Which is why I CAN’T BE ALL GLOOMY. I always had to push all my baggage inside my handbag and carry it with poise.

She gave me a hug before leaving and told me that I was the nicest secretary she’s ever met. I told her I would have to tell her the same thing – that she’s the nicest CFO I have ever met. But that would be so unoriginal.

So I just wave her goodbye.

On Writing Fiction

So we have robots roaming around the office which is really  cool.

I was so inspired the other day that I decided to write a short story or a novel about it. It even came to a point when I started a new blog site for it. I’m so damn serious in putting all these thoughts together. I was psyched with the idea of talking to it like a real human, with feelings and expressions and opinion on things. Although of course our office robot does nothing but roam around and offer you credit cards and directions, still, wouldn’t it be awesome to imagine it could relate to you and think and laugh and at some point comfort you?

It’s not like it’s a brand new idea. Nothing is. There’s HER and A.I. and several other robot and artificial intelligence stories that had been written. But it’s my story and I will have to write it my way.

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Dark Chocolate

My boss Elliot asked me to buy him bananas and chocolates for breakfast.

He gave one bar of Lindt to me. When I realized I didn’t like the flavor he gave me. (Cookies and Cream.) I went back to him and told him I want to trade.

He goes. “Hey what gives you the right to trade? Who gave you the right to trade? You keep whatever I gave you.”

I go. “First of all, a woman always has the right to change her mind. Second of all. I am a grown up woman who can make decisions for herself. I don’t need anyone’s permission. Give me the dark chocolate.”

He goes. “Easy… woman. Jeez.”

Everything But

I found out two days ago that I have (drum roll please)….

High Calories and that I went beyond the border of what is expected of my age.

I’m just in my thirties!

Early thirties!

It’s not like a surprise to me knowing I haven’t really practiced a complete healthy lifestyle. But I was still caught off guard in the doctor’s clinic since I had been eating plenty of vegetables and fruits stuffed to me by my very health conscious fiance.

So doctor prescribed a 3 month long medicine that will hopefully lower down my cholesterol level and told me that I should change my lifestyle – with emphasis on daily exercise.

I hit the gym yesterday and I’m still dragging my ass today. Still no luck and I am still here plucking some fast words on my keyboard hoping to eventually come up to some neat blog for the day.  Just to make up for the lost days when I couldn’t seem to find TIME anymore to express my thoughts. Sam won’t be able to relate to this for sure. Does he have any idea that being in a relationship most often than not compromises your freedom to write??? I will probably talk about these women issues on men (the household duties etc and the rest of the unexpressed whining and gripe that only comes out in bold figures of pissed off ladies gathered around in the kitchen or the front yard sharing and finding extremely relatable pieces. I forecast an entire long blog dedicated to this piece soon. “Kitchen Conversations.”

Going back to my new regimen, I now have the need to get at least 30 minutes work out in whichever time of day I can be available for mild cardio. I still can’t believe that I’m underweight and still have high calories. I am not fat. (Although I have a belly bulge which I want reduced.) I guess it’s a good motivation to be fit but I would prefer that it didn’t have to happen like this. But overall everything is still under control the doctor said. Well all doctors say things like these to calm their patients. Do they?

I recently found out though that well, I have not been very cautious of what I eat. For example since liver is good for Sam’s psoriasis I have been used to wolfing on some delicious fresh liver fried on garlic, onion and broccoli. And since broccoli has been part of our main dish, I thought it would be alright. It’s VEGETABLES! IT’S A BIG THING FOR ME. Cause I grew up in a non-veggie eating family. We are hardcore meat eaters!

I didn’t realise that chicken liver is a huge source of calories! Also since I’m not fat, I thought why not two fried eggs in the morning? So I’ve also been eating egg yolk like a maniac which added to whatever unwanted fats that are now hidden somewhere in my very petite frame. Palpitation! And there goes the cakes! I constantly buy chocolate cake slices as an afternoon delight while working – not to mention the extra chocolate bars under my office desk which is reserved for a really BORING office day -which is like – everyday.

I can probably give up the pork and the fast food. In fact, maybe even coffee – which is like ending a very long wild love affair.

But please not my choco! Chocolate is happiness. It is life made sweeter. It is home. It is family. Awwwwww….

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Don’t take my chocolates daddy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Prompt:  Snack

Not My Toolbox

I missed writing. I missed this place so much. I just want to lay my head on a large soft weave bright colored hammock by the beach and unleash the sleep deprived thoughts running around in circles for days. Hush them, calm them, sooth them, let them fall peacefully in deep sleep. Lull my babies because I am finally back home.

Drama!~

So as a product of my impulsiveness, wanting so bad to be productive on weekends, since not every one is privileged to get a 2 day off here in Dubai), I decided to take my creative endeavors to the next level.

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I took Graphic Design classesI’ve impulsively enrolled myself in a course which I thought would help me advance my career in Advertising, which now I realized is a long punch in the moon. There is no way I’m going to be a graphic designer with this level of enthusiasm and momentum.

So I have three major sub-courses: Photoshop, Illustrator and In-Design. After a month of no progress in Photoshop and my instructor feels like I have been easily left out by other students, he moved me to Illustrator. I kinda like it better, maybe because I can easily re-discover new things by myself but I was still far from the word progress. My level of improvement was turtle pace and my instructor is going nuts. I’m sorry but I grew up in the era of protractors and drawing compasses.

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He said I panic in front of the software. He said I have to explore and understand how it behaves.  If I get scared, it will be aloof and reluctant to show off its brilliance.  I have to be free and childlike so it plays with me. Art by all means, I guess is intuitive. It has a heart of its own. It feels you. But despite the lectures, I always end up terrified. I wind up creating awkward shapes and ugly figures and mismatched angles. At the back of my mind, I’m like – why can’t I just write a decent short story? At least if it sound so bad in the end, I have enjoyed it and not be tormented in the process.

I have this unfinished story lying around the corner and I can’t get it out of my head. I always get distracted in class. I daydream on working on it everyday but since I already paid for this course I have to devote my extra hours on it. I had to set aside the small amount of time left for writing, hoping to assemble it soon after I complete this course.

When you start something that feels so right and true, it’s almost impossible to stop. I have the tendency to simply abandon my graphic design classes completely. And I don’t want to do that considering I paid huge money – (not to mention our money) because I am no longer single now. And any big decision and purchase I make, involves another human being who grew up in a world where wasting is a major crime – regardless of size, ounce, pound, degree or whatever unit of measurement there is.  Sam will go ballistic if I don’t take this course seriously.

But the ideas kept swinging like a pendulum clock that creeps me out sometimes. It alarms me that time is running out for me to make it come to life. I remember what Elizabeth Gilbert has to say about inspiration:

“I believe that inspiration will always try it’s best to work with you – but if you are not ready or available, it may indeed choose to leave you and to search for a different human collaborator.” – Elizabeth Gilbert shared her story on how she started writing this astounding story about a woman who wound up in the Amazon jungle. It was a huge intense idea that she was so excited about. But because she had to focus on some important personal matters that time, she left her unfinished novel on her desk hoping to get back to it once she’s done fixing her private mess. But when she came back for it, the idea was gone. It went away just like that. It found a new partner in the name of Anne Patchett, who paid more attention and affection to it. It was insane when they discovered they had the same plot.  The only difference is that, Anne Patchett was able to publish it because she paid attention and devoted a huge amount of time to it.

I’m not saying I have this huge Amazon Jungle story waiting to be written or that I’m afraid it will go and land into the lap of some huge best selling fiction author. Jeez. I’m just saying, I don’t want to waste the thrill, the fusion, the elation, the spark, the stimulus, all the dancing and booze in my head when I get to think of putting all the words together on paper.

“I found an unattended idea lying around, and I ran away with it.” – Liz Gilbert on Eat Pray Love- when she finally ran away with an idea and made it happen.

And yes, I want to ran away with this idea! I want to recklessly pack my suitcase and get on the next plane and fly with this brimming novel. Wherever it takes me.

My teacher waived a hand on me as I spaced out in class. “You’re the only student who’s not taking this course seriously.  I don’t understand why you panic.” He said in front of the class – like I have not been embarrassed enough to expose my heinous design with everyone.

In my mind I’m like, “I’m sorry sir. I panic because this is not my toolbox. And I’m afraid I’ve exchanged my suitcase with somebody else’s. We were supposed to elope. Me – and my ravishing idea….”