I haven’t written anything for the past few months – is what I meant. Sorry I can’t make any metaphoric introduction. I just really want to get back to blogging. My insecurities have grown big since I last posted. I fed it with so much adoration to people who can really write.
Over this course of time when I was so busy trying to untangle my messy life and put all the chaos back to order, I learned how limited my writing skills are. And that made me step back a little.
But then again, you know. I miss me writing. And so fuck perfection. Here I go, bear hugging myself back to blogging.
Perhaps you’re struggling with something or simply feeling lost like I do… I’m sharing these few songs that kept my storms calm. Breathe in. And breathe it all out. Look Up. Cheer Up. Better days are coming…
She’s our CFO and for some personal reason, she decided to quit the job after three amazing months here at work. She’s the kind of CFO who doesn’t make you feel like she’s CFO but still manages to protect her boundaries and maintain the respect necessary for her position. She was humble and soft-spoken and funny and genuine. She brightens up the room. Well – I think most people in the company does. We try as much as we can to maintain that vibe. It’s like an office policy to be happy. Which is why I CAN’T BE ALL GLOOMY. I always had to push all my baggage inside my handbag and carry it with poise.
She gave me a hug before leaving and told me that I was the nicest secretary she’s ever met. I told her I would have to tell her the same thing – that she’s the nicest CFO I have ever met. But that would be so unoriginal.
So we have robots roaming around the office which is really cool.
I was so inspired the other day that I decided to write a short story or a novel about it. It even came to a point when I started a new blog site for it. I’m so damn serious in putting all these thoughts together. I was psyched with the idea of talking to it like a real human, with feelings and expressions and opinion on things. Although of course our office robot does nothing but roam around and offer you credit cards and directions, still, wouldn’t it be awesome to imagine it could relate to you and think and laugh and at some point comfort you?
It’s not like it’s a brand new idea. Nothing is. There’s HER and A.I. and several other robot and artificial intelligence stories that had been written. But it’s my story and I will have to write it my way.
My boss Elliot asked me to buy him bananas and chocolates for breakfast.
He gave one bar of Lindt to me. When I realized I didn’t like the flavor he gave me. (Cookies and Cream.) I went back to him and told him I want to trade.
He goes. “Hey what gives you the right to trade? Who gave you the right to trade? You keep whatever I gave you.”
I go. “First of all, a woman always has the right to change her mind. Second of all. I am a grown up woman who can make decisions for herself. I don’t need anyone’s permission. Give me the dark chocolate.”
I found out two days ago that I have (drum roll please)….
High Calories and that I went beyond the border of what is expected of my age.
I’m just in my thirties!
It’s not like a surprise to me knowing I haven’t really practiced a complete healthy lifestyle. But I was still caught off guard in the doctor’s clinic since I had been eating plenty of vegetables and fruits stuffed to me by my very health conscious fiance.
So doctor prescribed a 3 month long medicine that will hopefully lower down my cholesterol level and told me that I should change my lifestyle – with emphasis on daily exercise.
I hit the gym yesterday and I’m still dragging my ass today. Still no luck and I am still here plucking some fast words on my keyboard hoping to eventually come up to some neat blog for the day. Just to make up for the lost days when I couldn’t seem to find TIME anymore to express my thoughts. Sam won’t be able to relate to this for sure. Does he have any idea that being in a relationship most often than not compromises your freedom to write??? I will probably talk about these women issues on men (the household duties etc and the rest of the unexpressed whining and gripe that only comes out in bold figures of pissed off ladies gathered around in the kitchen or the front yard sharing and finding extremely relatable pieces. I forecast an entire long blog dedicated to this piece soon. “Kitchen Conversations.”
Going back to my new regimen, I now have the need to get at least 30 minutes work out in whichever time of day I can be available for mild cardio. I still can’t believe that I’m underweight and still have high calories. I am not fat. (Although I have a belly bulge which I want reduced.) I guess it’s a good motivation to be fit but I would prefer that it didn’t have to happen like this. But overall everything is still under control the doctor said. Well all doctors say things like these to calm their patients. Do they?
I recently found out though that well, I have not been very cautious of what I eat. For example since liver is good for Sam’s psoriasis I have been used to wolfing on some delicious fresh liver fried on garlic, onion and broccoli. And since broccoli has been part of our main dish, I thought it would be alright. It’s VEGETABLES! IT’S A BIG THING FOR ME. Cause I grew up in a non-veggie eating family. We are hardcore meat eaters!
I didn’t realise that chicken liver is a huge source of calories! Also since I’m not fat, I thought why not two fried eggs in the morning? So I’ve also been eating egg yolk like a maniac which added to whatever unwanted fats that are now hidden somewhere in my very petite frame. Palpitation! And there goes the cakes! I constantly buy chocolate cake slices as an afternoon delight while working – not to mention the extra chocolate bars under my office desk which is reserved for a really BORING office day -which is like – everyday.
I can probably give up the pork and the fast food. In fact, maybe even coffee – which is like ending a very long wild love affair.
But please not my choco! Chocolate is happiness. It is life made sweeter. It is home. It is family. Awwwwww….